I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
