4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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