Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
