The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
