watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
