dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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