suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
