i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
