Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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