absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
