we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
