I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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