Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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