I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
