they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
