I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
