Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
