she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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