This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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