everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
