Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
