I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
