Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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