If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
