Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The adults are the big ones right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
