im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
