I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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