How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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