it hurts more in the daytime
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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