So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
