I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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