Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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