I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
