your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So squirting runs in the family.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
