I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
