Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
