I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
