Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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