She's JV to your varsity
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
