There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
