At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
