There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
