You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
