good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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