JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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