Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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