She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
