Porn is love you can see.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
