dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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