You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
